PSYCHOTHERAPY AND THE SPIRITUAL SELF

 

COUPLES THERAPY

In all my years of practice, I have not met a couple who did not intend to be happily married for the rest of their lives.  The honeymoon attraction and connection are strong, allowing most couples to believe that they are set for life.  So, what happens that creates risks and vulnerabilities in marriage that many couples fail to see coming?

It is precisely this.  Each of you grew up in a family of origin where you learned rules, roles, and expectations that shaped and molded you to become who you are.  You were taught what to pay attention to, what to ignore, when and how to respond, and on and on.  And all of that is fine.  The problem is that each of you were raised in a different family of origin where you learned different rules.  Therefore, as you go to create your partnership, you use what you learned, but each of you learned something different!

Initially the stress, friction, or lack of communication about these different ways might not show up.  But over time, a couple might begin to feel less emotionally connected, in ways that might not even be conscious.  Additionally, children are often added into the marriage.  Surely this is a blessing, but one that might also distract the couple from focusing on their relationship.

Potentially feeling less happy and/or close in the marriage, one or both parties might become increasingly involved in other events or sources of satisfaction.  Although these distractions are fulfilling, they nonetheless create distance in the partnership.  Couples may still go out individually or with other couples, but something is different and more removed between the couple in a way that has no words. 

Add to this the fact that we live in a culture that does not teach couples how to stay married.  In fact, our culture guides couples to end their relationship if it isn’t working out to go and find another one.    

In therapy, the original commitment and goals that a couple had to stay close and to grow together through the marriage become the focal point.  Attraction to one another that once led to emotional intimacy is re-visited, for purposes of understanding dynamics leading to distance now..   

Family of origin issues that shaped and molded each of the couple are understood in a way that is educational.  Understanding what each learned brings to light issues that could be working at cross purposes with what the couple is trying to achieve in creating their own partnership.

Ways that each of the couple deals with hurt feelings, disappointment, poor communication, and lack of clarity in the relationship is brought to the fore.  Issues of power, control and ego-driven needs work in the short term but lead to distance and unhappiness in the long term. 

Couples and/or individuals are guided in spiritual psychotherapy to learn to take risks and to become vulnerable, owning what they really feel and want, rather than trying to be polite but ultimately shutting down “not to make waves”.    Through this process, couples invariably find closeness to and with each other, taking risks to be true to who they are with God within them. 

Couples learn through spiritual psychotherapy how to go deeper into who they really are and want to become, rather than remaining stuck in how they learned to be.  It is not uncommon that how one learns to be in marriage is, in reality, a reflection of who they learned to become in their family of origin to gain approval, or to make someone else happy.

Growing into greater awareness of who God made us to become is truly a gift of spiritual awakening.  God is a relationship.  Marriage is not emotionally or spiritually satisfying when lived on a transactional level.  Rather, marriage must be relational to have the heart of God within two people at their core. 

Becoming aware that there is more to who we are is the Spirit working within us.  The deep satisfaction and joy that one gains from becoming less fixated upon the individual self into greater awareness of who we could become together as a couple, has no bounds. 

Life is a gift that God blesses us with to become who we are in God’s love and mercy.  Marriage  is a sanctuary through which two people come together side by side to find out more about who they are, and who God made them to be.   

If you are at a point in your marriage where you would like to create greater spiritual closeness within yourself and each other, I am here to help you!  Click the button below to contact me. 

INDIVIDUAL THERAPY

We are all born into a family of origin where we are shaped, molded, and guided to become who God made us to become.  Those raising us use the best tools they have based on their own family of origin experiences, and for the most part we do well.

That said, however, there may be aspects of our individual selves that we become increasingly aware do not feel cohesive with who we truly feel that we are.  Meaning, that there are aspects of our way of being in life that do not feel consistent with how we want to show up in the world, for ourselves and for others.

Individual therapy is a process through which you are enabled and supported to work through layers of your life to help you find peace and happiness.  You may seek therapy to resolve issues from your past or transitions that you are currently going through.  You may seek therapy to manage feelings that stem from grief, loss, early life trauma or abuse, depression, anxiety, low-self esteem and/or self-worth, conflict resolution, or other issues that you are contending with that are burdensome.

Spirituality is a deep personal search for meaning and purpose in life beyond our everyday tasks.  Recognizing that the whole person exists in body, mind, and spirit, therapy that encompasses one’s sense of spirituality helps one to create a lived experience of self with the Divine presence.

Spiritual therapy moves one beyond book knowledge, rules, and facts about God, into a personal experience and knowing of God.  As we mature in our faith, we feel increasingly called to be true to God within us.  This means becoming aware of our ego-driven, small selves to listen and respond to our inner, true selves where God’s presence and grace guide our hearts from within.

The peace and satisfaction that comes from living in fullness with our hearts and souls cannot be imagined until one begins the journey toward wholeness of self, encompassing God’s love.

Beyond our painful, dark emotions that we frequently avoid out of fear, lies God’s light and love, helping us to understand more of who we truly are and what we are truly feeling.  In accessing inner knowledge about our feelings, including our dark feelings, we learn so much more about ourselves.  In darkness we cannot “see” or access feelings.  In light, we not only “see” and access them, we learn from them and become more.

If growing spiritually through individual therapy is something you are ready to embark on, I am here to help you.  Please contact me at 908 813-8232, or at geri@awakeningtospirituality.com.