I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all experienced a head vs. heart conflict. We have times when we know the choice we want to make, the choice that feels right to our heart, yet for reasons that are unclear we go a different way. Our head leads us to our rational side, where our head overrides signals from our heart.

Essentially, this is the story of being human. That’s not a bad thing but a behavior that we might want to become more aware of so that in the moment of choice-making, we’re clearer about which way we want to go, to be true to who we are and who we want to become.

Examples of the Head vs. Heart Conflict

Some examples of what I’m referring to might include reactivity in our relationships. Or times when we tell ourselves we’ll be on social media or our phones for “X” amount of time but long later, recognize we far exceeded our original commitment to ourselves.

In the latter example, we might well feel frustrated and/or disappointed in ourselves. Not maintaining our original plan might leave us with less time for other things we wanted to achieve. This again is part of being human but becoming more conscious of habits that lure us away from our primary goals, helps us to create change through better choice-making.

In the first example of reactivity between ourselves and others we truly care about in relationships (spouses, parents, children, in-laws, co-workers, friends) it’s not an intentional choice to strike out in reactivity and yet it so often happens. We feel bad after we’ve cut someone off or are critical of them in a conversation, yet in the moment that we struck out, we felt righteous. What they were saying was wrong in our view and we are right. Not only do we feel right, but the other person needs to know it.

The downside is that the other person may well feel hurt, judged, demeaned or disrespected. Clearly, they never saw that reactivity coming! Simultaneously we, too, may feel bad about our own behavior, even though we still believe that we were right. Somehow, we need to find a way to make amends (to ourself and to the other person) and go forward.

Moving Toward Acceptance

One way that might help us resolve this head vs. heart conflict is to stay connected to our heart when we feel the reactivity button being triggered. We must remember that we love this person, that they are meaningful to us and/or our family, and that we don’t want to damage relational ties between us.

In fact, another choice beyond reactivity is acceptance and tolerance, growing beyond believing that we are right. Moving toward acceptance that we are all different and have different views is an important step in raising our consciousness. Neither one of us must be right nor wrong. In fact, the gift that comes from this latter choice is one of self-growth.

We become more of who God made us to become in God’s loving care, no small gift. As we make the choice toward tolerance and respect for others, we simultaneously engage in self-respect toward ourselves. The good feelings that emanate from choices that help us feel good about ourselves can only become increasingly self-reinforcing. The more we feel good, the more we want to feel good. Try it on for size and see what you think. And don’t forget to take in all the good feelings!

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